Our father is our first role model, first advisor and for many daughters (definitely true for me) the first man we love.

We watch and see how they protect and provide for the family. When we are young, we literally look up to them in awe and amazement. And then, as they are often also our first disciplinarians, a little fear gets added to the mix, “Wait until your father gets home!”

As we grow up, we start to see how their sphere of influence goes beyond the walls of our home. Maybe their advice had an effect on the people they worked with, their friend groups, their own family. For me, this realization came through seeing the influence he had on the students he taught and the players he coached. When I was in college, a friend told me how helpful he had been in giving her and a friend advice when they went to him with a personal problem. I was astonished by his open mindedness and wise counsel, and deeply proud that he was the person they sought advice from. How lucky I was to have him as my Dad.

The advice my Dad shared, and continues to share, has not always been limited to words, but often seen through his actions.

Work hard, play hard. Growing up, Dad was a professor and a coach at a liberal arts college in town during the school year, but he also worked a second job during the summer as a tennis pro at the local country club. Through grading papers, overnight team trips, long days in the sun running leagues and stringing rackets in the evening, I saw responsibility, dedication, and loyalty modeled. But I also saw how he made time for fun- Bridge groups with mom, poker and Risk game nights, tennis matches, andsports, so many sports. It’s a balance, work and play, and that balanced quality is one I now see in my brothers.

Challenge yourself. Dad was used to teaching Kinesiology and Tests and Measurements, but when the school’s curriculum changed and they started teaching a Core series, he was now additionally tasked with teaching the Renaissance and Reformation. Even though it was not in his wheelhouse, he immersed himself into Martin Luther, Moliere, Shakespeare, Machiavelli, Dante’s Inferno, and the like. He was so into the material he was teaching, that once he even asked our server, “Have you read Tartuffe?” (which my brothers and I found hilarious.) He made me step outside of my comfort zone by making phone calls to adults to tell them their rackets were restrung and ready for pickup. I hated doing it, initiating conversations with adults (!), but it helped me exercise a muscle that today I use every day in my work.

Embrace new experiences. As the basketball coach, he took his team on a foreign trip once every four years, so that any player had the chance to go abroad during college. MacMurray was a small school in the Midwest and many students were the first in their families to attend college. Dad arranged the itineraries so his team could play against teams in far-away places, but making sure to sneak in some cultural side trips too. Some of these trips included:  Belgium, England, Spain, Italy, France, and I was lucky enough to join along when I was in college myself on a trip to the Soviet Union. It was an amazing experience that I treasure and will always be thankful for. And this is a sentiment he heard from players and their families over the years- how for many it was the trip of a lifetime.

Be disciplined about exercise, routine is important. As a physical education professor, it makes sense that exercise was a focus, but it’s one he truly modeled. I think he jogged most every day of my childhood. So many mornings began with me coming into the kitchen seeing him, post-jog sweaty and reading the paper while drinking a huge glass of ice water, waiting to cool off before showering and getting on with his day. Do what you have to do first, and then you have time to enjoy what you want to do. I know I feel better when I’m in a routine and disciplined about exercising first thing in the morning, just like Dad.

Peaks and valleys. This is something I heard often, life is a series of peaks and valleys. Sometimes your opponent is better than you, they were more prepared, or the calls just went their way. As long as you try your best, feel good about the effort. Persevere, continue practicing, try your hardest, and maybe next time it will be you standing on the peak.

How meaningful words can be. I remember a plaque on his office wall of the Old Irish Blessing, May the Road Rise Up to Meet You. He loved those words and the sweetness of them conjures up such a warmth in me. Every time I feel the sun warm upon my face I think of that poem, and my Dad, I close my eyes and soak up the moment. Another quote that makes me think of him is “The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.” That rings in my ears whenever I feel the urge to quit something.

Thanks for the advice, Dad, and for reminding me that “hugs are free” and for always giving me a boost when I needed it. 

What advice did your father model for you? What traits of his do you see in yourself? I’d like to suggest that you share some of these reflections with him, or with others in your family that would appreciate reflecting with you. 

Love to all of the fathers out there, on Earth and in Heaven. xoxo