Our mother is our first comforter, healer, cheerleader, protector and teacher. We learn from her before we are even aware we are doing so, by observing and absorbing.

From my mother, I learned how to care for others. She was a kindergarten teacher in a low socioeconomic part of town, where the kids’ meals, other than the free lunches, weren’t guaranteed. Many of the kids would come to school without having breakfast. And on the mornings of the standardized testing (Iowa Basics back then), I remember while we were scrambling to get ready in the morning, she would take the time to create an assembly line for making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She gave these to her students, along with the 15 cent milk cartons she’d buy on arriving at school, so her kids wouldn’t start test day off at an unfair disadvantage, instead starting the day with their little bellies full.

I saw how she continued to care and watch her kindergartners grow, each year attending high school graduation and giving a card and personally congratulating each of her former students who stayed in school and graduated.

I watched how one student touched her so deeply that she became her Big Sister for many years, seeing vast potential in her when no one else did. Giving her a stable weekly warm bed to herself, nice meals, and most importantly, 1:1 time amidst her life of being shuffled among the 14 foster homes throughout her childhood. She even helped her years later write her college entrance essay and apply for financial aid.

And I was the lucky recipient of her kindness through a ripple effect, when in high school, one of the friends of a girl that was bullying me asked me if I was Mrs. Gay’s daughter. When she found I was, not only did I not have to worry about the bullying any longer - I now had a bodyguard (thanks, Mom.)

Through watching her, I learned that a little whimsy brings added fun and can transform the ordinary into magical moments. Growing up, we had a clown in our toilet. Yes, you read that right - she painted a little clown in the toilet out of nail polish so my brother’s had a place to aim (not sure what that says about how Mom feels about clowns…) All guests to our home, even the superintendent of the school district, commented on the clown.

When we were sick, she’d give us a bell to ring so we didn’t have to shout, and she’d bring us a tray so nicely arranged that even when you felt miserable, you couldn’t help but smile at her arrival, feeling loved and cared for. On the opening night of a play, she made me an ice cream sundae topped with a little triangular flag she had made on a toothpick that said “Break a Leg!” And birthdays…she made us crowns and warm fuzzies to wear (a happy face made out of leftover bathroom shag carpeting with eyes and a big smile stuck on with rolled masking tape), and we always got to choose the meal she made for our dinner and our favorite flavor of Pepperidge Farm cake.

She shares her knowledge of recipes, meal preparation, sheet folding, outfit compiling, manners and etiquette, school challenges, and parenting. And I’ve loved watching her teach her grandkids. When my kids were learning colors, she proclaimed a whole day Yellow Day - where they noticed and shared and drew everything yellow. She has a way of reaching children just where they are.

Some of her other endearing qualities are that she laughs at calamity, in particular people falling and walking into glass doors, and she is an expert at spotting a toupee. On this Mother’s Day I thank her for modeling these qualities and I only hope that I absorbed some as I aspire to do the same for my kids.

What qualities did your mother model that helped shape you? Let her know what you appreciate most. Or share with family members who will likely love recalling your special memories and ones of their own.

Love to all the mothers out there. xo, ~Jenn